Jah Jah Dub

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

You know that thing I was going to write about the Left? I don't think I'll bother anymore. Read this if you like, it's more or less what I was thinking about. And it leads on to this, which is interesting too.

Just thought, am I supposed to like Gordon Brown? Is that what a hip young thing is supposed to say?

He bores me, I like Blair's sweeping strokes. Actually, an easy way to clear the mind and think straight: which would you prefer as the Dad of someone you went out with? Uh-huh. Thought so. Most voting decisions can be clarified with that trick.

I'm really bored of Gordon Brown now. I don't care what shady deals may have been made, people voted for Tony, he's the Prime Minister, get over it. The Milburn thing was nice, but Blair should administer a greater smackdown and demote him to Minister in Charge of Getting the Sandwiches from Pret.

This seems to have snuck onto my television unannounced. Look at that line-up. It has massive potential.


Monday, September 27, 2004

Yes, yes, yes, yes... Westwood here, laying down the phattest beats in da whole area. Here it is, Eminem's new joint, it's going to be huuuuuge, you heard it here first. Respect.

In a couple of hours I'm going to write the last word on Hugh Heffner and the Playboy Mansion. Does anyone have any actual, you know, information? My thoughts are crystallizing but I don't really have any "facts" or "dirt". If you have anything chuck it my way.

NB Not date of birth or the like, I can lay my hands on that.

This is quite interesting, if insufferably smug.


Friday, September 24, 2004

I knew this would haunt me.

Hi there Gorillaphiles

Gorilla HQ has just got wind of a bizarre event that’s happening in Trafalgar Square in 11 days time – and we need YOUR help to make it even weirder....

An artist called Doug Fishbone plans to show an ‘artistic instillation’ that’s essentially a pile of 30,000 real bananas (see attached). Now that’s, a BIG pile of bananas! He’s holding a press-call at 8am on Tuesday 5th October in Trafalgar Square where he’ll be showing off his... ahem... bananas to the TV and National Press.

Now, everyone knows that what a big pile of bananas needs is... a big bunch of gorillas!

Wouldn’t it be TRULY bizarre if there were dozens (if not hundreds) of gorillas simply wandering around nonchalantly in the background? After all, gorillas love bananas... And YOU have your very own gorilla suit for the job.

Join us for our very first ‘Gorilla Flash Mob’ at 8am on Tuesday 5th October, Trafalgar Square. Just come in/with your suit, wander about a bit, check out the banana sculpture and drift off to work.... Lovely!

Rebecca Guinea
Fundraising Manager

The Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund
Tel: 020 7916 4974
Fax: 020 7722 0928


Thursday, September 23, 2004

Noticed recently that I always tend to choose chairs which allow me to see the whole room and that I feel uncomfortable standing on the street with my back exposed in case someone comes and coshes me. Either I have some deep-seated paranoia or the SAS Survival Handbook* has a lot to answer for.

* You had to go on a waiting list to get that out of my school library.

Cordings of Piccadilly have the finest selection of Bertie Wooster wear I have ever seen.


Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Days since big up with no sign of a response from Tim: 6

And Dad asked me to be his best man, which was nice of him, especially as it sounds like an old fashioned joke trading on me being a bastard. I'm not though. Not in that way at least.

This story made me sad. Ever since Green Card* a part of me assumes that marriages of convenience between uptight natives and free-spirited immigrants will always blossom into a real and burning love.

*I went to see this at the cinema. With my parents? Grandparents? Of course not. With one male friend. What was the attraction? I think that Flicks had given it a good review and I still trusted them. (This was before the Toy Soldiers debacle.)

What am I doing here?


Running with 649 David Brents. The story of my Sunday.

Why did I agree to do this? Running 8km dressed in a gorilla suit with hundreds of office jokers (thinking that a terrorist attack would probably improve the productivity of all these people’s workplaces). With no training. Needless to say, it was pretty horrendous; if it wasn’t the extreme heat it was the tiny eye holes or the fact that you could hear little apart from your own breathing, or the incessant whooping and shrieking by the crazy guys gambolling around the course. It was too long, and by the last three years of it any fun had completely disappeared. If that wasn’t bad enough, my Dad (a man who you’d call “Ian”* even if it wasn’t his name) revealed a previously concealed streak of unexpectedness by bringing along two inflatable Shrek donkeys – “By carrying these we’ll be able to recognise each other…” “Brilliant. Thought it’d be too easy otherwise, even with this poncho I unthinkingly brought along.”

Still, I’m glad I did it, even if I wouldn’t consider doing it again. Thank you to everyone who sponsored me, if you’d like to chip in then you still can…

Oh, and we saw Robert Vaughn from out of The Magnificent Seven on the way back. “Hey! You’re in a DVD sitting on a shelf above my stereo! And you were in the Man from Uncle. I preferred David McCallum as Illya Kuryakin really, but you were pretty cool.” I didn’t excitedly yell.

* No offence to any Ians out there. You know I love you all.


Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Love the sinner, hate the sin.

Can we take "imho" out the back and kick the shit out of it?

Days since big up with no sign of a response from Tim: 5

Buy hamster food DONE

Write hatchet job on Hugh Heffner

Write thing praising Neil Diamond (not like you thought) for BaaW or The Correct Opinion

Write that thing about the scientist and his stupid plan to have a DNA ark on the moon

Write that thing about political art = oxymoron

Talk about the gorilla run and family developments. DONE

William Blake as a good guide to behaviour in relationships?

Hate crime legislation being a bad thing. An arch too far? Possible to make the case without sounding like a fascist? (Mention that I accidently typed "kike" then instead of "like"? A cruel irony.)

Publicly lambast Tim for not responding to my big up. DONE


Monday, September 20, 2004

1) A shop on Picadilly has an end of season sale on safari suits.
2) I have just been paid.

Will the dots be joined on that one?


Thursday, September 16, 2004

Now this is a bit of a departure for me... I know blogs are all like, "Oh, and this article here is interesting" and "spankmonkey made an interesting point yesterday: here" and "continuing the debate over at BushIsTheSameAsHitlerDon'tYouSee?" but I've never really gone down that track. I suppose in the same way as friends (especially men) never actually say nice things to each other until it's too late but just take it on trust that it's you know, squirm, squirm, understood, it's made me a little uncomfortable. So, to put right this wrong, I'd like to remind you that Kelvin's archives are still up, and boy are they a good read. Taking about a month at a time brings on a delirium - it's hilarious and genuinely disturbing. I'm happy that his life is no longer as he chronicled it, but I'm glad that he recorded it as it happened.

Also, Tim over at H.U.H? is always excellent. I once e-mailed him to tell him this but he never replied. Like a girl distressed by her boyfriend's indifference when his mates are around, I can only assume he wanted me to publicly declare my feelings. So I am. I've been rooting around his archives for the last hour or so and having my mind blown accordingly. He's especially good on pop music and communism. I'd imagine.

Oh! Just found this post. Only ten months too late.


Tuesday, September 14, 2004

An Open Letter to Dan Walters

Dear Dan,

I hope you are well, I am fine. Just thought I’d drop you a quick line. Did you see the Last Night of the Proms on Saturday? They had some tiresome concessions to the Celtic fringe by satellite-linking concerts and alternating between them. Anyway, they had one in Scotland, one in Wales and one in Northern Ireland. And one in Manchester! For some reason. So you can pipe down with your London bias nonsense, there is an over exposure of Manchester in the media, it’s not a separate country, no matter how much we’d like to jettison it. And it was the only place in these British Isles where the crowd needed umbrellas. So there you have it, conclusive proof: Manchester has too prominent a place in national life and it’s always raining.



Fathers 4 Justice and that... Get the creeping suspicion that these particular morons would be good at the grand gestures and trips to theme parks but might find the day to day parenting a bit less exciting?


Monday, September 13, 2004

My Sunday night was spent in unexpected fashion: watching Battleship Potemkin in Trafalgar Square, complete with a fresh (I'll be the judge of that) score by the Pet Shop boys. I won't trouble you with a review, it's not as if you can go and see it on my recommendation, but the Guardian's one is close enough, I suppose. Eisenstein's iconic images became a pop video, but hey, let's not be precious. Prompted a couple of thoughts, one is on Big As A Whale now, the other may soon follow it. (Un)interestingly enough, the preamble kept on about how many Stop the War demonstrations there had been in Trafalgar Square, unquestionally assuming that all right-thinking people would be of the same opinion. Neil Tennant, for one, is not. See here.


Thursday, September 09, 2004

Everyone should read these before the next time they argue anything.


Sunday, September 05, 2004

Quote of the week (if not the year) goes to my friend, "Tall" James:

We all know that sex is the most overrated thing in the world... apart from dolphins and Irish people.


Friday, September 03, 2004

From Ted to Dead : The Dermot Morgan Story

Not Like *You* Thought : The Strange Life of Paul Morley


Have we had the newspaper photo of a waterskiing squirrel this year?


Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Of course Kurtwood Smith in "The Clive Woodward Story".


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