Thursday, October 16, 2003
Couple of ideas I’ve been spouting off about for a while which, if I write them here, I can shut the fuck up about.
1) Star Wars. Now George, I know you’re a regular reader, so this one’s for you, free of charge. I’ll admit from the start, I’m no Star Wars fan. The first/fourth is fun, the other two original ones are OK, apart from those ridiculous Ewoks. I’m not being snobbish about them, they’re fine, but I was never into them much, even as a child. However, I can see why they work, and why your prequels don’t. Briefly, you need humour and sex to keep them interesting. This is where I come in. (Humour and sex being my middle names. And Brendan.) To be honest, I think your livestock has already bolted, but we’ll see if we can get some of them back. To rub salt in your wounds I’ll tell you where you went wrong. Casting Ewan McGregor was a shrewd move, he’s a charismatic young actor. You then give him nothing to do other than act like Alec Guinness. I may be crazy, but having a character forty years younger gives you some scope for development. Right. So he should have been hot headed, sarcastic, a lover and a fighter. Then the films could have charted his maturing. In the first film – tearaway, the second – shit hot, the third – overtaken by Anikin, his student. Now, you should have introduced a sexual charge between Ewan and Natalie Portman. They have an affair – starting at end of first film. Second film, Ewan gets more into the Force, dumps her. On rebound she ends up with Anakin. Third film: Anakin being a twat, Natalie finds solace with Ewan. As I remember, Anakin was a virgin birth or some such nonsense – either way, because of a thing, he is sterile. We find this out in some way. Upshot? Luke and Leia are Obi Wan’s children. Bingo! You see George? The love triangle adds some interest to your trying po-faced tripe, while at the same time introduces a twist that changes the way you look at the original films. You see? Sometimes directors can have too much power.
If you need me to work on your script, contact me at the usual address. Or maybe you like your work to look like the loading screen for Wing Commander. For two hours.
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1) Star Wars. Now George, I know you’re a regular reader, so this one’s for you, free of charge. I’ll admit from the start, I’m no Star Wars fan. The first/fourth is fun, the other two original ones are OK, apart from those ridiculous Ewoks. I’m not being snobbish about them, they’re fine, but I was never into them much, even as a child. However, I can see why they work, and why your prequels don’t. Briefly, you need humour and sex to keep them interesting. This is where I come in. (Humour and sex being my middle names. And Brendan.) To be honest, I think your livestock has already bolted, but we’ll see if we can get some of them back. To rub salt in your wounds I’ll tell you where you went wrong. Casting Ewan McGregor was a shrewd move, he’s a charismatic young actor. You then give him nothing to do other than act like Alec Guinness. I may be crazy, but having a character forty years younger gives you some scope for development. Right. So he should have been hot headed, sarcastic, a lover and a fighter. Then the films could have charted his maturing. In the first film – tearaway, the second – shit hot, the third – overtaken by Anikin, his student. Now, you should have introduced a sexual charge between Ewan and Natalie Portman. They have an affair – starting at end of first film. Second film, Ewan gets more into the Force, dumps her. On rebound she ends up with Anakin. Third film: Anakin being a twat, Natalie finds solace with Ewan. As I remember, Anakin was a virgin birth or some such nonsense – either way, because of a thing, he is sterile. We find this out in some way. Upshot? Luke and Leia are Obi Wan’s children. Bingo! You see George? The love triangle adds some interest to your trying po-faced tripe, while at the same time introduces a twist that changes the way you look at the original films. You see? Sometimes directors can have too much power.
If you need me to work on your script, contact me at the usual address. Or maybe you like your work to look like the loading screen for Wing Commander. For two hours.
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