Thursday, October 16, 2003
2) Big Brother. Clearly, the last people one would want to watch for ten weeks are those who would apply to be on Big Brother. Easiest way around this? Random selection from the electoral roll. Obviously people can refuse to participate, but you would still get a better spread of contestants. Who wants to see more yapping know-nothing twenty-somethings (especially if I’m not allowed on TV) when you could have a middle aged Indian woman, an old man etc. Less scope for romance? Au contraire mon ami. There would only be one or two potential mates for each person, so shenanigans become more likely.
Alternatively, let’s stick with the original but fuck with them in interesting ways. Off the top of my head:
i) One day, while the laziest is still in bed, all the other housemates are changed for new people who act like they’ve been there all along.
ii) One day, around Week 5, a child is in the diary room. Not a baby, just a little boy or girl between 8 and 12.
iii) Same as above but it’s an old lady.
iv) The walls are moved inwards slightly every day.
v) One day Big Brother keeps completely quiet.
And for the contestants:
i) Refuse to leave if evicted. They’d have to remove you forcibly.
ii) Barricade the doors – make them have a court order of eviction.
iii) Break some of the cameras.
iv) Kill the chickens and eat them.
v) Spend the entire budget on alcohol. They’ll never let everyone starve to death.
Again, as before, Channel 4 - I am available.
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Alternatively, let’s stick with the original but fuck with them in interesting ways. Off the top of my head:
i) One day, while the laziest is still in bed, all the other housemates are changed for new people who act like they’ve been there all along.
ii) One day, around Week 5, a child is in the diary room. Not a baby, just a little boy or girl between 8 and 12.
iii) Same as above but it’s an old lady.
iv) The walls are moved inwards slightly every day.
v) One day Big Brother keeps completely quiet.
And for the contestants:
i) Refuse to leave if evicted. They’d have to remove you forcibly.
ii) Barricade the doors – make them have a court order of eviction.
iii) Break some of the cameras.
iv) Kill the chickens and eat them.
v) Spend the entire budget on alcohol. They’ll never let everyone starve to death.
Again, as before, Channel 4 - I am available.
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