Friday, July 18, 2003
Top 10 Most Try Hard Things You Can Do.
1) Be a comedian – “Oooh, look at me, I’m funny, I can make you laugh, listen to my jokes, I think that I’m so special you should come and hear me crack wise, and that you should pay for the privilege.” Fuck off.
2) Be an actor – “Look at me act, look at me express emotion by furrowing my brow, love me! Love me!” Fuck off.
3) Be an artist – “Look at my painting/sculpture, aren’t I good at representing things through some medium or other…” Fuck off.
4) Be a musician – “Listen to these sounds. Aren’t these sounds great? I think that these sounds I’m making are so important, I will ask you to pay me money for them. And I will ask with a straight face.” Fuck off.
5) Be a politician – “I think that I know best for everyone, and you should listen to me, for some reason.” Fuck off.
6) Be a sportsman – “I demand your respect and awe because I can run faster than you/kick a ball better than you etc. Not only am I proud of this, but I have actually practiced this every day because I think it’s so important. I am Jonathan Edwards, I do the hop skip and jump for a living.” Fuck off.
7) Be a writer – “Read my wisdom. I think that my thoughts should be recorded forever onto paper and bound so that mere mortals may read them for all eternity. I really am arrogant enough to think that my trite observations and sloppy characterisation earns me a place on shelves, in people’s houses, forever!” Fuck off.
8) Having a career – “Not only do I think that doing things for people for money is intrinsically right in some way, but I actually take it seriously. I want to earn more beans but more importantly I want a bigger desk and people below me that I can feel superior too. I do this because I have no personality of my own and so can only define myself through labels others put on me. I am a manager, therefore I am in some important way, better than you.” Fuck off.
9) Voicing an opinion on anything ever – “Listen to my voice! Listen to my wisdom! I really think that I actually know something and will force it onto other people. You see? You understand what I’m saying? There, I’ve brought you with me, you agree! In some way this makes me feel better even though deep down I suspect that I’m worthless and probably wrong.” Fuck off.
10) Writing a list like this – “Look at me, I think I’m really subversive and crazy by attacking things that most people consider admirable! Feel my fake superiority to you all and realise that by opting out of everything I am never a failure. Feel my fear of failure!” Fuck off me.
|
1) Be a comedian – “Oooh, look at me, I’m funny, I can make you laugh, listen to my jokes, I think that I’m so special you should come and hear me crack wise, and that you should pay for the privilege.” Fuck off.
2) Be an actor – “Look at me act, look at me express emotion by furrowing my brow, love me! Love me!” Fuck off.
3) Be an artist – “Look at my painting/sculpture, aren’t I good at representing things through some medium or other…” Fuck off.
4) Be a musician – “Listen to these sounds. Aren’t these sounds great? I think that these sounds I’m making are so important, I will ask you to pay me money for them. And I will ask with a straight face.” Fuck off.
5) Be a politician – “I think that I know best for everyone, and you should listen to me, for some reason.” Fuck off.
6) Be a sportsman – “I demand your respect and awe because I can run faster than you/kick a ball better than you etc. Not only am I proud of this, but I have actually practiced this every day because I think it’s so important. I am Jonathan Edwards, I do the hop skip and jump for a living.” Fuck off.
7) Be a writer – “Read my wisdom. I think that my thoughts should be recorded forever onto paper and bound so that mere mortals may read them for all eternity. I really am arrogant enough to think that my trite observations and sloppy characterisation earns me a place on shelves, in people’s houses, forever!” Fuck off.
8) Having a career – “Not only do I think that doing things for people for money is intrinsically right in some way, but I actually take it seriously. I want to earn more beans but more importantly I want a bigger desk and people below me that I can feel superior too. I do this because I have no personality of my own and so can only define myself through labels others put on me. I am a manager, therefore I am in some important way, better than you.” Fuck off.
9) Voicing an opinion on anything ever – “Listen to my voice! Listen to my wisdom! I really think that I actually know something and will force it onto other people. You see? You understand what I’m saying? There, I’ve brought you with me, you agree! In some way this makes me feel better even though deep down I suspect that I’m worthless and probably wrong.” Fuck off.
10) Writing a list like this – “Look at me, I think I’m really subversive and crazy by attacking things that most people consider admirable! Feel my fake superiority to you all and realise that by opting out of everything I am never a failure. Feel my fear of failure!” Fuck off me.
|
